More Like Chief Of The Party Patrol

Riverside's former police chief has been charged with drunken driving for crashing his city-owned Chrysler 300 (nice touch) after leaving a Topless Bar.

The Riverside County district attorney's office charged Russell Leach on Monday with misdemeanor driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol. He faces up to six months in jail if convicted.

The 62-year-old Leach crashed his car into something really hard on Feb. 8. Two of his tires were missing when Riverside police officers stopped him three miles away from the scene of the crash as he was driving on his chrome rims. He must have been blasting NWA at the time and could not hear the delightful sounds of metal against concrete. Leach told reporters he was disoriented from taking medication, no doubt for the chronic pain associated with of having too much fun at topless bars. I guess you could throw your back out while getting a lap dance.

Prosecutors say California Highway Patrol investigators determined that Leach had taken several prescription drugs and had at least 11 drinks before the crash. It must of been the 11th drink that did it. Up until then I'm sure he was fine.

Leach couldn't immediately be reached for comment although I have a pretty good idea where he might be found. Ba Da Bing immediately comes to mind.

Kenyans Just Might Like To Run Marathons

Although I have not checked my facts, something I learned from Fox News, in what must be a first, a Kenyan has won a marathon. More specifically, Kenyan Wesley Korir (shown above, and not looking at all like a runner) won Sunday's Los Angeles Marathon which introduced a revamped course that started at Dodger Stadium and ended near the Santa Monica pier. Korir won the foot race, which is something like 26 miles or so, in 2 hours 9 minutes 19 seconds, which seems sort of fast. But what truly is astonishing is that he is Kenyan!

I mean I just can't get over the fact that a Kenyan won the Los Angeles Marathon. What are the chances? His country must be very, very proud of him. Hopefully this will lead the way for his fellow countrymen to think about running. Strangely they appear to have a knack for it.

The Ideas Are Lost, The Ideas are Lost

Hold on little buddy, Hollywood is at it again. So far we have The Rockford Files and Hawaii 5-0 coming back to TV, and now Gilligan's Island...the movie. Early reports in the trades are Beyonce (as Ginger) and Michael Cera (as Gilligan) but no official casting has begun. The one thing that is official, there are no more original ideas, and hopefully it won't be a 3 Hour Movie. But for what it's worth, I'll throw in Zach Galifianakis as The Skipper and Mila Kunis as Mary Ann.

The Taking Of The Tux Pants 123

Sorry John Travolta, but to the Oscars you don't wear jeans. Ryan Reynolds knew to enlist Tom Ford, and Tom Ford knew to enlist Tom Ford. The two that got it right.

But boyfriend jeans to the Oscars. That may be harder to bounce back from than Battlefield Earth. As for now, I don't think you are a "Clear," so I assume you still have years of cleansing to do. Until then JT, you are still burdened by the rules that govern earthlings.

And Then It Was Gone

Hollywood Blvd is closed to automobiles between Highland and Orange due to Sunday's Academy Awards and is only accessible by foot. Which means in Los Angeles terms, that stretch of Hollywood Blvd no longer exists.

Rodeo Driving

Reacting to the news that Hummers will be discontinued, many Beverly Hills Hummer Owners launched a failed attempted to have the city declare an official day of mourning. It is reported that the group, all covering their grief-ridden eyes with oversized bejeweled Gucci sunglasses headed to Ed Hardy to buy overpriced T-shirts to go with their overpriced decorative jeans and pointy shoes. In related news, Hookah sales remain brisk among the same group of Hummer owners.